Sunday, April 26, 2009

Feral Cat Nearly Kills Me


Ok, maybe not killed. Scared the shit of me though.

The girls have been enjoying the outside world ever since we got here. This house has the luxury of a screened in pool so the cats can come in and out as they please and I don't have to worry about them running away. They were never allowed outside of the apartment in Boston, so of course this is like a whole new world to them. They chase lizards. They chase bugs. They chase squirrels that are climbing on the outside of the screen. I once found Kat lying at the pools edge with her tail submerged in the water...I'm not sure about that one. As soon as they wake up in the morning, they are sitting in front of the pool door meowing for me to let them out, and they spend pretty much all day outside.

Pretty soon after they started going out, I was alerted to what I've come to believe is a stray cat. It was first brought up when Kay, my neighbor who rents out a little house in the back of ours, told me that she thought she saw Kat outside of the pool. I finally saw this other cat, and sure enough, it was a purely black cat, just like Kat, but noticeably bigger. Every once in a while now, I'll hear the cats outside hissing, and yelling, and freaking out, and when I go to check, the black stray cat is sitting outside of the screen, yelling right back. It usually runs away as soon as I come out. One day I actually saw two cats, the black and another, but I haven't seen the other since so it's not important to the story. Now to the good part.

My room is in the back of the house. One wall has two doors with big glass windows in them that used to lead out to a little brick stoop but has been permanently nailed shut. As I was sprucing up the room, painting and decorating and such, I put in new mini blinds, but the ones I got were about a half a foot too short for the windows. Whatever, a little gap at the bottom doesn't matter. I put the cat tree against these doors, it fits nice, lets the cats look out, etc. Last night, I am woken up from sleep by hissing and meowing and wailing and I just have no idea what is going on. If you know me, when I get up, my brain does not function at all. I have retarded thoughts and no interpretation of reality. I once went to the fridge in my just woke up stupor, shook the orange juice bottle without securing the lid and wound up completely drenched. So here I am, at like three in the morning freaking out, having no idea whats going on with all this hissing and stuff. I'm knocking everything off my desk trying to find my glasses and flip the desk light on, and after a few seconds I finally get my thoughts together and I realize what it is. That damn cat is outside tormenting my cats through that small exposed gap in the window. So I shout a few times, and bang on the window. I can't see out of it cause the blinds are down obviously. I bend down, petting Kat to calm her down and look out the little gap at the bottom of the window to see if the stray is still there. From what little light is bleeding outside from my desk lamp, the small stoop looks all clear, and I'm thinking, fucking cat, waking me up, grumble grumble, etc. I'm still looking out and not seeing anything. Then, all of a sudden, from the right side of the window, where I can't see it coming, the feral cat from hell comes screaming against the window, and actually hits the window with its paws, wailing away the whole time. It was straight out of a horror movie. I'm not afraid to admit I let out a yell and fell backwards onto my ass. Pure terror. All I can remember from that half second when the cat rushed the window is clearly seeing the pads on the bottom of its paws pressed against the glass.

I took a moment to compose myself, but I was seriously wondering if this cat was like some crazy mutant that was going to crass through the window and eat me. But I had been woken up, and my number one goal upon being woken up is to do whatever it takes to go back to bed. To prevent any more problems that night I slid a box in front of the gap in the window and moved the cat beds. I was still scared that the cat would come back but luckily sleep won out.

I thankfully didn't see the cat today but it makes me wonder what to do about it. Is it really a stray? I didn't want to call animal control on it, myself being such a lover of animals, but after last night's horror movie moment I don' t think I can handle that thing roaming around freely. We'll see how things go...but that cat is not getting a second chance from me.

Friday, April 24, 2009

I leave MIT for 2 seconds...

So I was checking up on MIT happenings and was startled with what I saw. What started with an adverse reaction to this bomb squad tomfoolery turned into a full on rant. ENJOY! I sure did...

First, way to be a dick about the BTB bomb thing MIT. For fuck's sake. They need to stop advertising MIT as this haven for student culture and freedom if they're gonna continue to be complete chodes about it. I never really cared too much about the whole Campaign for Students things, but the dickery is getting hard to ignore. Hey bomb squad guy...you look like a majooooor douche.

Second, Talk Nerdy to Me Girl needs to just stop. I don’t know what she gains from that article but its just gross. Only a true nerdwhore openly admits that she keeps a spreadsheet of her hookups. It's gotten to be completely tasteless. and this is coming from me. I don’t want to hear anymore of this girl's slut chronicles passed off as horrible advice.

Third, this whole cut sports thing. Way to quell the stereotype of the haplessly unathletic nerds by cutting varsity sports. And which do they cut? Our embarrassment of a football team? Nope, sports like pistol, where we are nationally recognized as one of the best varsity shooting programs in the country. Men's and women's ice hockey? GOOD CALL! I was sick of the hockey teams interrupting me when I would go to the JOHNSON ICE RINK, bore a hole, lay down and fuck it. wait...You mean ice rinks are for hockey? WHAAAAAAA? fuck that shit. at least now they can set up for finals super duper early.

Fourth, I see the Logs performed Miley's "See You Again" at the acrapella CPW show. THAT’S OUR SHIT! STEP DOWN MOTHER FUCKERS!
Fifth, the caption for our photo: "Brian T. Basham ’12, Hannah L. Pelton ’12, and Deepa Mokshagundam ’09 (left to right) of Roadkill Buffet improvise a skit based on a word from the audience during CPW." Wow! What a descriptively mindblowing comment dickhead!





Phew...I feel better.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Disney: The Magic is Gone

"I find that in most theme parks, the theme is, 'Wait in line, fatty.'" -Demitri Martin


Now before you all cry blasphemy, let me say that I am as big a Disney World fan as anybody. Like I've said, I was born here, I've spent significant time here. I know Disney like the back of my hand, so much that I used to joke about charging people to be a Disney tour guide (I'm pretty sure that's illegal).

My mom and brother came down for a week or so to help me settle in and during that time we went to Disney a couple days. Luckily, they have a great military pass now that's super cheap cause that place is too fucking expensive. This visit to Disney was really different for me though. Maybe I'm seeing it from adult eyes for the first time. Maybe I'm finally jaded and cynical and post modern, but for the first time, I realized the magic has been dumbed down and processed and politically corrected into lameness.
One thing I have noticed, is that Disney World brings out the worst in people. "The Happiest Place on Earth" my ass. Before you even get in the park you are greeted with the pricetag. It's now upwards of $80 to get into the parks for a day. A family of four and you have a dad thinking about how this day better be worth his last paycheck. Not to mention that the food and merchandise is outrageously expensive. $8 hamburgers? I think I'll wait for T-Bell afterwards. So while parents are on edge about how much cash they are dropping, the children decide that this would be the best time to demand everything and be totally ungrateful at the same time. And who's to blame them? They are in the land of merchandise. Every 10 feet there's a stand selling a badass lightup princess tiara for $20, or a super cool light up thing that spins around for $15 (around 1999 Disney put out a memo that says all merchandise has to glow in some way, so that they may continue to sell at night, and ward off the angry souls of the Indian graveyard buried beneath the Magic Kingdom). This is not just postulation btw, I see it everytime I go. Parents and kids getting in loud, public arguments is the third most popular Disney attraction behind It's a Small World and Carousel of Progress. What it comes down to is the family spirit and generosity that the parents come into the park with is quickly replaced when their patience and energy run out, and the wide eyed wonder of the children is overwhelmed by retail bombardment.
Disney really needs to nail down the tone of its rides. Right now, there are two speeds: boring and horrifying. No happy medium. The boring is understandable. The little kids' rides are not gonna be super stimulating for adults. But it's gotten to a painful extent. a good 50% of Disney rides consist of you sitting in a little car that goes around its track and "entertains" you with various scenes of animatronic tomfoolery. Yawn buddy. When Disney tries to spice it up though, things go horribly wrong. Apparently at Disney, Fun=Scare the shit out of the children. Sure there are some intentionally "scary" rides (Tower of Terror, Haunted Mansion, Snow White's Scary Adventure) but bring any small child on a ride not called It's a Small World, and there will be tears. I can't tell you how many times I've been on a ride and had to listen to a kid scream and cry the entire time. And its not their fault. Every ride at some point has a really dark portion, usually followed by loud noises intended to make you jump, or in a child's case, bawl for the next 10 minutes. Test Track pretends you almost get plowed by a garbage truck, then makes you think a train is coming straight at you in a pitch black tunnel, then makes you think you're about to slam into a concrete wall. Dinosaur puts you under the constant attack of a roaring and charging Carnotaur. This last trip, a baby started crying during Journey into Imagination. IMAGI-FUCKING-NATION! Darkness and boom. That's all it takes. I guess it's just Disney's way of injecting thrill into their rides, something that is sorely lacking. Sure there are a few roller coasters, but thats about it thrill-wise (and they are quite tame compared to others in the theme park scene).
At this point, I feel like Disney is for the nostalgia and for the spectacle. You'll have more fun at Universal anyday, even the guy dressed as Baloo will tell you that (No he won't. Characters are forbidden to speak. If a cast member in a character suit speaks to a guest, he will be dragged into the 8th sub-basement under the park and shot). But for all of Disney's faults, it's still Disney World, and I'll still go back year after year, because the girls who play the Disney Princesses are super fine.

The Sitch

So you all may or may not know that I am not currently in Boston. If you didn't know, SURPRISE! I'M NOT IN BOSTON! After a tumultuous Fall semester I decided to take a year off to relax, recharge, refocus and follow my dreams! Well at least the first few... My flight from Boston was ninja stealthy. Ask my roomate Skylar. Once my Mom drove up to pick me up, all my stuff was loaded into a car and I was on the road in a day. I spent a couple weeks with the family in North Carolina helping out, then down to my final destination of Winter Park, FL. I was born in this pretty little suburb of Orlando, and whenever I'm here, I feel an odd sense of peace. In my lifetime, the neighborhood went from rags to riches and now my grandma's old house where I'm staying is worth way less the land its on. We're talking mansions everywhere, every other car is a Porche, brick paved streets, beautiful trees hanging over the road, obscuring the sky. This place is super nice. I don't think I've ever felt so conscious of the economic state of the people around me, but this town is rich.
My goal here is to do what I've always wanted to do but couldn't because of school: get a job, explore some acting, meet people, just live life for a bit. This is obviously proving harded to do the originally thought. I'm trying to exaust all the "fun" options before I settle for just a regular job. I've put a couple applications in for Sea World jobs, went to a Disney audition, but still nothing doing. I haven't given up though. My thinking is that if i was just going to get a regular job, then I could have stayed in North Carolina. Maybe I should have gone back to Alaska, but I know I wouln't have the opportunities there that I do here.
To get back into Tech in a year, I have to remain active in school. I'll be taking some classes at the local rich ass private college Rollins. Low key, but good stuff. There's a marine bio class and a scriptwriting class I'm looking forward to in particular. Should be good stuff.
The girls and I have a pretty good living here so far. It took a while to settle in, but I'm pretty happy with the way things turned out. I thought it would be fun to keep a log of the way this year unfolds. So... that's pretty much what's up. Hopefully I'll at least end up with some good stories.